does he really deserve me? (poem/blog/rant)

My hands are cold,  my soul is dead, my brain is broken, and my heart is warm.


 too warm. i can't leave him i can't lie to him, i can't forget him. i can't trust my own actions i can't trust how i think, i can't trust him to treat me right.


he makes fun of me, he says im fat, he says im ugly, he says im annoying, he says im a "blonde"(dumb).
he appolagizes,  he gives me gifts, he hangs out with me, he tells me he loves me, he says im "different".


I love him, i really do.
I hate his words.
I hate how he makes me feel
I hate how hypocritical he can be.

Please please please, make it go away, i can't trust myself to make the right decisions.